On Bad Days

Today I woke up with my back hurting slightly less than it has for the past week or so. Enthused and encouraged, as I had been laying off the exercise until it felt better, I did some light yoga.

And promptly entered pain land again. Then I found a shit ton of spam on the web calendar I run with a friend. Then, the shower curtain rod fell and hit me. It holds up a pocket shower curtain that functions as the only real out of water's way storage in the bathroom. I couldn't get the damn thing up, so I angrily called John to come fix it and went to lay out my clothes for the day, which I usually do the night before, but had been too lazy to get to.

My blue sweater had disappeared. It was not in the drawer, the closet, the washer, the clean clothes pile, the drying rack or the pile of dirty laundry. Things disappear in this place all the time, but goddamn it not my clothes.

So I was stuck wearing a green sweater that is a tad too small - it shrunk a little. I got to school right on time rather than early and found a variety of student nonsense waiting for me, including a student who had changed all her punctuation to a larger font than the rest of her paper to gain half a page of length.

On a three page paper. It was irritating, so I logged on to Facebook to chill where I found someone's passive aggressive status update involving me. So I'm all hurt and pissed and want to be all FB dramz back, but I know that will solve nothing.

So I just carry on, and deal with unenthusiastic students, and rain, and a hurt back, and the fact that one amazing friend did not get into the PhD program he deserves, and the rain, and when I get home, I head straight for the cheese.

We never throw out the ends of cheese when we finish. Instead, I let them accumulate and grow mysterious in the cheese drawer until one day I have enough random bits (excluding rinds) to chop up and mix into Fromage Fort.

Fromage Fort is a recipe I found once upon a time that involves garlic, at least one soft cheese, wine, and whatever other bits of cheese you can throw in.

For the soft cheese: 2 or 3 ounces of goat cheese or cream cheese, or I bet even a cheapo brie would work (who ever had leftovers of a non-cheapo brie?).

For the garlic: 2 cloves. You don't want to overpower the cheese

For the wine: 1/4 cup or so of a dry white. Dry vermouth works well, as does the sauvignon blanc I used tonight.

The rest: hard bits of cheese left in the fridge from God knows when. I used a bit of parmesan, an old bleu, some manchego, and what I think was some provolone, but may not have been (it wasn't labeled and my memory is not serving me well). I had a couple of ounces of each, and chopped them coarsely with the knife before tossing the bits and the garlic into the food processor.

Once those are nicely minced, add the wine and the soft cheese. Process until well mixed, put in a serving bowl and each with crackers. I like it with Triscuits.

It took about 30 minutes to make, and soon, I was in a scented bath, an old show on the laptop, wine in a glass, and fromage fort with crackers set out nearby. 45 minutes later, I don't quite feel like a new woman, but I'm a little less cranky.

It's the simple things, really. Stuff I can do without thinking. Things that don't even need specific ingredients, just items that fit into certain categories. This is why learning to cook matters. So I can calm myself down, restore a measure of peace to my world, prioritize a little. Find a little stillness, a little bit of good in the pieces of old cheese in the back of the fridge on a bad day.